Keneth Ampon
Note:
This story is made on December 13, 2013, a Friday the 13th..
I am the
most unfortunate person in the world today. Here are 13 reasons to tell you
why.
Reason #
1:
Reason #
2:
I was
forced then to run for my life when... Droplets started to fall, droplets that
soon turned into rain. There was no shed to be found where I could stop by for
a moment and find my umbrella so I searched my bag in the midst of the rain.
But alas! There was no umbrella in the bag! I forgot to bring it as I woke up
late and had no time to pack my things.
In just a
second, a man with a red umbrella appeared meters away from me. He was waving
at me offering a part of his umbrella to be shared with me. I smiled, walked
towards him only to know that he was not really waving at me but to a woman
behind me, who turned out to be his girlfriend waiting impatiently for him. I
walked away looking back at some times and there I found the man in the white
hockey mask again walking with the couple yet remained unseen by his
companions.
Reason #
3:
As
expected, I came late to my workplace to where I remembered that I was expected
to be in the presentation room on time and start delivering my long-awaited
talk to possible partners. So not to worsen my day anymore, I borrowed a towel
to a friend, fashioned myself, hurriedly entered the room, apologized for being
late, opened my bag, thanked God that the papers are safe and dry, and
distributed the papers as the spectators' guide in my presentation.
I faced
the crowd with a smile but they faced me with bothered faces with three or four
of them ready to explode with an impending laugh. I found the reason for this
when I, myself, looked at my copy. The papers that I brought and distributed
were my son's drawings. My boss, feeling shame, walked out of the door. I
followed him but when I exited the presentation room, he was nowhere to be found.
I looked back in the presentation room by slightly opening the door and
peeping. They were laughing and I was the laughingstock. But out of these
laughing monsters, there was only of them who remained cool- the man in the
white hockey mask now occupying the seat left by my boss!
Reason #
4:
To forget
the doom of being in the wall of shame, I turned on my laptop, connected my
earphones to it and started listening to my favorite songs.
From
nowhere, an office mate of mine called my attention and removed one earphone
from me and attached it to her ear. With anger and selfishness, I removed it
from her ear and returned it to mine for the songs are not so audible that I
need two earphones to hear better.
I closed
my eyes and followed the beat of the song by shaking my head. I opened my eyes
and I was surprised to see that my office mates are also shaking their heads as
if they were also listening to the same song. They looked at me and it was too
late to realize the small-detailed mistake I committed. I connected my
earphones to the wrong hole. That also explains the reason why the songs are
not so audible. Yes, everyone can hear the songs in my playlist. It was also
too late to realize that the office mate who grabbed one earphone from me was
indeed trying to confirm whether or not the music came from me.
I walked
out and my feet brought me to the comfort room to which I positioned myself at
the urinal even if I did not feel emitting any liquid and there he was again,
two urinals away, the man in the white hockey mask also urinating.
Reason #
5:
I went
back to work. I turned on the computer beside me to encode another spreadsheet.
I have difficulties in adjusting widths because of the mouse. But then, I
managed to accomplish already 50 rows. Suddenly, a black out. Oh men! I forgot
to save my spreadsheet!
But wait
a minute. If there was a black out, why then are the lights still on and the
others still working with their computers still turned on? I looked around and
found the culprit- an office mate who removed the wrong plug for turning on his
own computer.
In this
regard, I gathered my temper, sighed and simply scratched my head trying to
remind myself that shouting at him and strangling him with the cords would
neither save me from being faulty of not saving the spreadsheet nor lessen the
time needed for repeating the lost efforts.
Hurrying
my work, I did not know why my hands encoded the words, "man in the white
hockey mask."
Reason #
6:
I asked
one woman, "Where is the comfort room?"
Using her
finger, she pointed out to the left corner and so I thanked her. I was
surprised then to see the sign. It was for the women's!
I could
no longer hold it that I was forced to enter and thanks to God, no one was
around. I entered one stall and to ensure that if someone would enter, I would
be suspected, I remembered the proverb of "When in Rome, act like a
Roman." And so, I acted like a woman. I took a seat on the golden throne
and some seconds later, flushed!
I
hurriedly went out of the stall and thanks to God, no one entered until... When
I was about to exit the comfort room, I bumped into a woman entering the
comfort room. I could not tell who between us was more surprised. I was
petrified then out of my wits, I acted like a woman and combed my hair using my fingers like a
woman and so my face was combed by her hand. Pak!
Leaving
the direction of the women's comfort room, I looked back and saw the man in the
white hockey mask walking towards the comfort room.
Holding
the door to enter the lecture room, I met my best friend who inquired about my
whereabouts minutes ago. I answered, "Comfort room" only to find out
that I gave an honest yet wrong answer for he soon responded, "Really? I
was also in the comfort room but I did not find you."
Yes. It
was her fault, that woman dressed like a stewardess. How could she confidently
refer me to the wrong comfort room? I did not look like a woman. If I ever meet
her again, I would tie her to the wings of an airplane where she fits. This was
what I told myself as the lecture or shall I say the sleepy monologues went on.
Reason #
7:
After the
sleepy monologues, my best friend noticed my face. It was a boiling kettle. As
a friend, he invited me to eat in a nearby restaurant, a restaurant notorious
for being the woodpeckers of all pockets and exclusive only for bourgeoisies.
This restaurant made me hesitant at first but when he smiled and told me that
he would treat me, all my doubts evaporated.
At the
restaurant, we were handed the menu. My best friend braggingly offered me to
take whatever I like and so I did so because nothing good really happened this
day. And so he did too.
While
waiting, I opened some magazines and coincidentally, it opened to a page about
hockey.
We ate
and chatted on our common interests and my misfortunes until the waiter gave us
the bill. It was a four-digit number.
My best
friend was searching his bag with his face trying to tell me that he would find
his wallet until his face lost its comforting animation and his hands proceeded
on his pocket. Cold sweats began to form in me, colder when he finally gave me
the words that would worsen my day and forget him as my best friend forever
only if he does not hold some secrets of mine.
"Can
you pay it for now? I think I forgot my wallet in our office table. Sorry. Do
not worry. I will pay you as soon as I get it."
Wow! What
a tactic! Wow my dear friend! You were an actor. Do not worry. Sometimes, I
would do the same to another office mate! If I did not have the manners, I
would have told him that I would search his bag myself to be his lie detector.
Nevertheless, he was sincere and serious on the way he said it or if not, he
was indeed a good actor deserving to win in Cannes or Oscars.
And so,
even if my heart (and wallet) aches, as a friend, I paid. We parted ways, both
our energies drained, mine drained more when I received a text message from him
stating that his wallet was nowhere to be found in the his table at the office.
Oh man, give me a noose.
Reason #
8:
Walking
my way home, I was terrorized by the call of nature. It started fuming tear gas
as if the animated green gas in a gas chamber is emitted. I was still too far
from home.
I was
still too far from home that I searched for a nearby place where I could use
the comfort room and drop the bomb. And thanks to God, I found one. It was a
club. I hurriedly opened the door for myself, did not care about the guard or
bouncer who welcomed me.
Reason #
9:
When I
was done recovering myself from the curse of the spoiled porridge, a new
problem emerged. All stalls are full. After five minutes of gas emissions, a
middle-aged man came out of one stall clutching a roll of left-over tissue
papers.
I went
inside and dropped the bomb there with a smile and a hallelujah and my eyes
closed and sweat dripping down my neck. When I opened my eyes, I was reminded
then that I met a middle-aged man clutching a roll of left-over tissue papers.
Yes, he took the tissue papers as if they were take-out meals. Oh men, I could
not wipe my...
And I was
left with no option but to see what I had in my bag. Alas! No papers. Not even
a receipt or some scratch papers. The next option then is to search my pocket.
And in my narrow left pocket, I picked a paper and used it to wipe my...
Wait.
What is that sound? Something fell in the bowl of chocolate. My cellphone. This
then is a do-or-die round. Pick my phone in the bowl of chocolate or flush it
along the chocolates. Remembering this, until now, I had no regrets.
I picked
the paper and used it to wipe my... I flushed the chocolates into the whirlpool
and left the stall to wash my hands...
The first
thing I saw in the washroom's mirror was the man in the white hockey mask.
Reason #
10:
While
washing my hands, my back pocket vibrated. There was a text message. It was my
wife.
"Did
you pay the water bill? I put it in your pants' pocket."
My head
ached. I revisited the trash can to which I threw the paper I used to wipe
my... How could I wipe myself with our water bill? I found it, tried to wipe
the traces of chocolates and recognized that today was the due date.
So here I
was again, running for my life. As expected, the paying center was already closed.
I could not take it anymore so I cursed the paying center and imagined myself
riding a wrecking ball to destroy its walls.
Behind me
was a woman who was also disappointed for not reaching her due date. But unlike
me, she gently walked away without scratching her head.
Inevitably
as it seemed, the man in the white hockey mask appeared and this time, I
decided to chase him.
Reason #
11:
I failed.
I failed in chasing him.
I decided
to go home so I took the jeep to which my frustrations started again. First,
all the passengers gave no seat for they wanted me to sit at the farthest seat,
the seat that was exactly behind the driver's seat.
Soon, the
driver, even if the jeep was occupied like a can of sardines, waited for the
last passenger. And so it came- a fat woman. The same thing happened. She was
brought to the farthest seat and so here she was, sitting beside me and the
poor woman received the smallest space for a seat. Curse to those students who
were spreading their legs for more space.
The woman
smelled like cigarettes. She was heavy- a heavy smoker.
Our jeep
left and I saw the man in white hockey mask waving his hands in the terminal.
Reason #
12:
After a
quarter of hour, I left the jeep and decided to text my wife that I was on my
way home. But alas! My cellphone was not in my pocket. I checked my back pocket
and my bag although I could clearly recall that I indeed placed my cellphone in
my right pocket.
An idea
came to me. My wife used to tell me not to wear shallow pockets. Now I knew
why. My cellphone was not missing. It was stolen.
My face
was blank when all of a sudden, the man in the white hockey mask runningly
passed me.
Reason #
13:
Walking
several blocks before going home, I was hit by a baseball on the face. No, not
just on the face but it was a bull's eye. I had a black eye as if I were
punched.
Now, I
was thinking. My wife, who was so good in making stories, could now establish a
story that I was having an affair with a married woman yet was caught by the
husband, as she would smell the spoiled porridge and see my black eye for sure.
While
thinking my counter-arguments for this, a boy runningly came and apologized. As
an educated and professional man, I could control my temper especially that it
was an elementary boy and that what happened to my eye was purely accidental.
After assuring
him that I was alright, I continued walking only to see the running man in the
white hockey mask- for the last time!
And so
you had it. I already gave you the reasons why I consider myself as the most
unfortunate person in my life. But what we saw was simply my life and not
others'. Now try to think. While situated in a problem, while doing something,
think about what was happening in others at the same time? Here are the things
I missed.
1. The woman who took my slot in the
bus. Her mother was brought to the hospital and so she was hoping to make it on
time. Unfortunately, she did not. No words shared for each other. Her mother
was dead on her arrival.
2. The man with the umbrella waving at
his girlfriend. On this day that the man offered his umbrella to his
girlfriend, his girlfriend showed two news. Good news. His girlfriend was
pregnant. Bad news. It was not his baby.
3. My boss. On this day, when he went
home from stress, he was stabbed on the back and got robbed.
4. The woman who grabbed an earphone
from me. On this day, after annoying me, her house was burned down. Well,
common LPG issues.
5. The man who unplugged my computer.
He was really emotionally unstable since last night. He was burdened by a lot
of debts in bills and friends. He was planning to escape and end it all
tonight.
6. The woman who referred me to the
wrong comfort room found his boyfriend in her house's comfort room with a
comfort lady.
7. My best friend did not find his
wallet. I never asked him what else were in the wallet. His wallet contained
their house key. It had no duplicates and his wife was in a one-week meeting.
8. The drunken woman in the club was
raped and killed tonight by a taxi driver.
9. A middle-aged man who took the roll
of tissue papers with him wrote a beautiful story yet was rejected again.
10. The woman who also did not reach her
water bill's due date became a punching bag of her husband- again.
11. The fat woman in the jeep found out
that she was suffering from lung cancer.
13. The
kid who accidentally hit me with a baseball was on that day bullied by his
baseball playmates.
And who
was the man in the white hockey mask? It was me. I was the harbinger of
misfortunes.
Or maybe
it was the son of our neighbor as the mother finally decided to unplug the
life-supporting machine of her son who was subjected to a state of comatose.
And there
I found the white hockey mask placed beside the boy's photograph on the coffin.
"Jason
used to wear this mask."
And so I
never saw Jason again, Jason who was the man in the white hockey mask, Jason of
Friday the 13th.
On my way
home, I found a blind beggar and placed 100 pesos in his tin can for playing
the guitar.
I went
home, apologized to my wife for not reaching our water bill's due date, and
narrated all my misfortunes and Jason.
"And
honey, I thought Jason was fortunate in Friday the 13th. He is
finally free. He no longer needs to suffer and endure pain. He is the luckiest
man today. Not lucky as me yet thanks to God, finally, Friday the 13th
was over. And tomorrow is another day."
My wife's
face wondered then smiled. She soon showed me her cellphone and there I found
the date.
Thursday,
December 12, 2013.
Today was
Thursday the 12th not Friday the 13th and yes, tomorrow
is another day. Good luck to me. Or shall I say bad luck? Oh men, give me a
noose. Dear Jason, see you tomorrow.
Image Sources:
Image Sources:
Natawa ako sa ending.
ReplyDeleteNo comment..... I salute u kua tofer for improving my work as you turn it in a precious piece
ReplyDelete